Yup, I know, been afk [away from keyboard] for a while.
It’s been uhhhh, an interesting few – let me check quickly – months, yikes, since April 19th >.< I am so sorry >.<
Well, let me drop the bomb.
I AM PREGANANANT.
With child numero DOS aaaaaaaaaaaand it’s summer vacation so I am trying to keep up and keep a bubbly 6 year entertained throughout her summer vacation.
I am 16 weeks pregnant to be exact, meaning I passed the first excruciating, mind numbing, mentally draining, physically draining, vomitt-inducing and praying that my food will stay in stomach and coffee hating (A big horrified GASP from a coffee addict such as myself T.T) early months of pregnancy. In other words, I am over 3 months pregnant without looking gaunt like Jack Skellington.
Another spawn is growing inside me and this time IT WAS PLANNED, AHA, COME AT ME UNIVERSE!!!
Ahhhh, pregnancy, I still don’t like you but at least I am not “PREGNANT & AFRAID” anymore
It is probably natural to feel this way after your second pregnancy or pregnancy to the power of 2, etc.
How much has changed since then?
Well, I am 29 with my second child and I had my first child in my early 20s. It’s almost a lifetime of a difference!
I am happier this time around.
I am more calm, more relaxed and actually enjoying life right now more than I ever did in the time that I have been alive. I take every day as it comes.
When it comes to this pregnancy, I won’t be as extreme with my dietary restrictions as I was with my first one (I dare you to take my stash of nuts away *HISS*), I eat what me and the little one craves and I will not live in self-denial anymore, I will take care of my mental state and physical body and JUST FRIGGEN RELAX.
Other than the pregnancy itself, I feel confident and settled not only in the environment and the country I live in, but also in my skin as an adult and mother and it has taken time to reach that point in my life.
Wanna experience adulthood? Become a mother.
I mean that is a way to experience adulthood, it’s a driverless car that is set in flames while you are strapped down arms and legs in the driver’s seat while you helplessly watch your flaming car careening precariously along a death drop of a cliff while never plunging to your death, Ice truckers ain’t got shit on this. There is also the scenic and chill route into adulthood like getting a job, finishing college, driving a car, filling your taxes, voting, retaking the fire nation, destroying Voldemort, fighting the Horde or the Alliance, etc. that has guard rails where you car is coasting along with an automatic fire extinguisher equipped and everything is looking fine and dandy.
Ya gurl (me) was a screaming banshee (at least internally) and depressed for 1.5 years after the birth of her first child and unable to understand why she was like that in the first place.
I pulled myself out of a self-inflicted dark place that could have been remedied if I had been stronger and not so stuck and insecure about just everything I did or said. Of course, you could throw in the argument that I was but a child (I was a late bloomer when it comes to life in general, I was literally the slowpoke meme when it came to life stuff). I experienced the growing pains albeit ACCELERATED growing pains of adulthood, but dear lord, facepalm to the Gods, so much shit happened at once that I am surprised I didn’t die of a heart attack. Numerous factors other than postpartum depression exacerbated, living a foreign country that is still unfamiliar to you, marrying into a culture that is vastly different than your own, can mess with you. INSECURITIES and ANXIETY became my greatest support system ever, would recommend 10/10. I had come to a general realization how my character, my personality and the way I viewed life did not compute with my life as a “young mother” in my early 20s (I am aware that there are younger mothers out there). Anyway, after I had regained a semblance of my 2.0 personality or even 2.0 humanity, I threw myself back into my studies and with patience I graduated in January of 2017.
Ultimately, you are the master/mistress of your destiny
I came to realize that now as I am pregnant with my second child. I had realized that much too late when most of the damage had been done. You don’t have to remain miserable and think that it is part of becoming an adult or being a mother. You can get shit done! Get your driver’s license and drive to the mall to escape that nasty mental fog! You can finish school to feel like your worth something again! It is your mind that is telling you that you can’t! Don’t limit your value, if you have ambitions and dreams, work hard on them!
There are factors in life that cannot be controlled, but you can take control how you perceive them. It took me a while to realize that my daughter has done a lot for me in the short span of 6 years of life on Earth. I am grateful my daughter was born. She made me grounded, she brought me to the present, she made me recognize the beauty in little things, she opened my heart to a love that to this day I still cannot describe. She added a dose of reality that I needed to narrow down my passions and she became the drive to finish my studies.
I can proudly say that today I am in a better place. I feel at peace. I feel confident in my abilities to deal with the next little Tasmanian devil and to take care of myself. Many things have changed for the better in my life and my beautiful family eagerly awaits the arrival of the next bundle of joy.
Thank you for reading 😉 See you in the upcoming posts 😉